Tag: Christian

Birthday Wish to all of you

Posted on by lauraanneayres

“A ship in a harbor is safe, but it’s not what ships are built for.”

Today is my birthday. In the past 10 years of my life, I cannot believe the “outside of the harbor” choices I’ve made. Ironically enough, given the quote’s nautical nature, I do not consider “moving across an ocean” to be one of the most trans-formative choices.

I learned a new language (something one can do anywhere). I changed my career path (you can also do this where you are, and consider that applicable to all below). Together, my parents and I mended conflicts well before it was too late (today, they are two of my closest, most treasured relationships). I maintained a healthy physical lifestyle and weight, which wasn’t easy when I couldn’t walk. I published a book. I became “Aunt LaLa” to the Ayres Little Men and added a new family (my “Henry” carries their family name). I gave my hair to make wigs for children with cancer…four times. I faced, and continue to face, my fears (crippling stage fright and fear of heights). I watched marvelous sunrises in gratitude and walked through challenging sunsets in humility. On this day in 2011, I converted to Catholicism, which was the single-most authentic decision I have ever made.

Perhaps, some of the most trans-formative trips out of the harbor are those we simultaneously fear and welcome? Though we are afraid, we know we truly have to go – into the vast, seemingly-unending expanse. Someone calls and says, “I have the perfect job for you, but it’s in Lichtenstein” or someone writes you an email and begs, “Can you please take in this rescue dog?” or even “Marry me, my love?” Life changes in one … Augenblick.

One of mine happened on January 22, 2016 when I saw and heard a strong heartbeat from a machine in Bern, Switzerland. It took me about a second to process that was his (Christopher Henry) heartbeat. Sometimes, I guess, that second is all it takes to pick up the anchor and set sail. Fear be damned. Best decision I ever made, pulling up that anchor.

I know it’s tough and scary. Many times in the past 10 years, my ship has ventured out into the sea only to return battered and bruised. Heartbroken. Sea voyages can be treacherous and arduous. There are literal ups and downs that either propel you forward or crush you. It’s difficult to leave the comforts of a tranquil and serene harbor. Ah…but, that’s not what ships are built for.

I like to imagine wisdom from my four grandparents, as I push away from the harbor each time. They have four simple rules for each journey.

“Be bold, Lulabelle.”

                                                                 “Be authentic, Sweet Girl.”

                                    “Be brave, Granddotta!”

                             “Be peaceful, Princess Wawie.”

 You can do it, too.

Be bold. Be authentic. Be brave! Be peaceful.

Forgiveness – What if I don’t Want to?

Posted on by lauraanneayres

The thing I truly dislike about being a practicing Christian (i.e. I keep practicing hoping I’ll nail it someday) is the necessity of forgiveness of others.

My disdain of forgiveness exists on two levels. First, I feel it’s really not my job to forgive someone who has hurt me because I feel that is something for which the person needs to ask him or herself. Or God. Just not me. Who the hell am I? Second, I when I tell someone “I forgive you,” I always want to add a little * that says:

*this forgiveness only valid for one-time use

Unfortunately, forgiveness doesn’t work that way, does it? We don’t get disclaimers and we don’t get to pass the buck. I’ve been forgiven many times and I was not forgiven with disclaimers or a lack of eye contact. I was forgiven personally, unconditionally, and fully.

But, what if I don’t want to forgive this?

This morning, when I woke up, it was my first thought. Someone did something horrible to me a few days ago and I agreed to meet him tonight to listen to what he wants to say. He feels awful and he knows he made a massive mistake. I understand that, but I am hurting. So, my question has followed me all day, and what if I want this to be the first time I look someone in the face and say, “I will never forgive you”? I would have every reason to do so. What will stop me?

Because I don’t want to just say I’m Christian. Anyone can say those words. Me? I want to do it, not just say it. I aim to make my final words as simple as, “Thank you for that crazy life, and I hope I made You proud.” There is nothing more important to me than replacing a tiny fraction of the darkness in this world with my sunshine.

And the people that hurt us? They do it because they have that darkness inside of them. I don’t hurt people all that often. Why? Because I have a ridiculously large surplus of sunshine. And compassion. Huge reserves of both. Makes me remember that fabulous line from Talladega Nights, “I piss excellence.” Me? I don’t like that word, but I certain weewee sunshine and compassion. You bet.

So, I am certain I will look him in the eyes tonight and share some of that sunshine and compassion with him.

I think Mark Twain said it beautifully…  forgiveness-mark-twain-quote

The Rollercoaster’s Lesson

Posted on by lauraanneayres

Ups and downs. Tension and release. We rise, we fall…only to rise again.

How do we process the curve balls? When it was time to say “goodbye” to Wyatt Walter on Sunday, he burst into tears. What do I say when the blue eyes of one of my favorite things on this planet fill with tears that are my doing? We won’t see each other for one year, I can’t change it. What do I do to make it better? He wears a cross that says “WYATT LALA,” but I know it’s not enough for him. He needs hugs. (So do I.)

IMG_4358

How do we process the high-as-a-kite moments? I received keys today. They unlock a future – a life – a chance for a career, love, happiness. How do I take it in stride when there are a million Nadia Comāneci-butterflies doing somersaults in my stomach? I’m feeling excited about my future in a way that feels almost selfish. So many of my friends and family members are struggling and I am feeling only excited about what comes next. Shall I instead say “cautiously optimistic”?

That’s step two for me. How do I ride the rollercoaster, this time, without feeling broadsided by the downs? In this current apartment and this current life (both of which I will be shedding tomorrow), I have learned how to deal with despair. It was the hardest lesson.

I lost both of my “God”fathers here. I lost Granddaddy. I lost L and fled to Luzern for 2 weeks. I lost him again. I lost him a third time. I lost Hope. I lost it again. I lost it again (7 times, in total). I met the Csendes family. I said goodbye to them. I welcomed them. I said goodbye to them again. Ups and downs. Over and over again.

I learned a hard, but valuable, lesson – my Faith is stronger than my Hope. Faith is in the air. If I am breathing? (and, according to the paramedics, I wasn’t at one point in this apartment)…Faith is refilling me with what I need to take another breath, another step, another journey.

There will be a day when the blue-eyed, 8-year-old is visiting his Aunt LaLa (technically, he calls me “Wala” because it combines both of our names) in Switzerland. There will be a day when what seems “full of wonder” is a bit clouded by the harsh and not-so-picturesque reality of law school. I’ll find a way to take the Rollercoaster’s exciting journey the way this guy does…That’sLifebythePro

Is the American Flag synonymous with weapons?

Posted on by lauraanneayres

You may be tempted to stop reading. Please don’t.

Big fan of the Constitution. Largely supportive of the Founding Fathers (minus George’s predilection for using his slaves’ teeth to enhance his own wooden teeth). However, like many, I’m not sure they had assault weapons in mind when they wrote this and THIS is what it says:

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

I can’t provide you with a photo of a man holding this because we don’t really have photos from that time (PS – “man” is not a sexist stereotype), but this was a typical “weapon” in the days of our Founding Fathers: Founding Fathers' weapon

I can provide you with a photo of a man carrying one of today’s weapons (that is not as uncommon as one might think) because I used Google and found this image immediately:

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Given that Alexander Hamilton was killed with a rather unextraordinary dueling pistol, he would probably have a few choice words about the gravity of the decision to express one’s thoughts via a grenade launcher, regardless of the militaristic or non-militaristic grade or agenda. In addition, if the founding fathers had know one of their own would be shot in rather cold blood…might they have considered a somewhat stricter definition of “the right of the people to keep and bear arms”? Even Jefferson must have been saddened at this gun-related tragedy of his Federalist rival.

We are in a unique position as Americans. Today is July 22, 2015. The following facts are current US statistics. How did I get them? Sadly, we have a website offering us a grotesque picture of gun-related violence. Heroes offer this website, which is a desperate appeal to stop this deadly insanity: http://www.gunviolencearchive.org/

There have been, so far, over 27,000 gun-related incidents. There have been over 7,000 deaths. There have been 180 mass shootings (and that number has been reported AND verified). Here is the horror, and prepare yourself. If you have a heart, this will rock you.

404 children aged 0-11 have died from gun-related violence in the United States in 2015 (we are only 6 months into it) and over 1300 children aged 12-17 have died from gun-related violence.

Let it soak in. Imagine sitting in the Pirate or Hello Kitty – themed room of your child after he or she has been killed. Imagine that happened because he or she was attending, for example, SCHOOL.

Ready for something else?

Every Sunday, I attend Mass in a fairly small community in Lucerne, Switzerland. I have noticed before, there is a store that sells “Waffen,” which means weapons. I know literally no one in Switzerland that has a bullet. I know men that have their service weapons (so did my grandfather), but no one that actually owns ammunition. No one and I know tons of Swissies.

On Tuesday, I was in Lucerne during a weekday and at my church to light a candle. When I walked past the Waffen storefront, I saw the display.

photo

Let that also sink in.

As a nation, our flag has become synonymous with weapons. Not only here in a small corner of a rather small town in Europe. Also, in the Middle East. Also, in Africa. Everywhere. As Americans, our flag is not synonymous with peace (like the white cross flag flying in my eyesight right now) or Olympic glory or bravery. Our great nation, established by our beloved Founding Fathers, is now associated with unbridled violence.

It’s no secret why the Founding Fathers established their new home – religious freedom. You can like that or not, but it’s a well-documented fact. Good news if you don’t like it, you’ll love the hypocrisy coming next. The foundation of Christianity rests in these words:

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

So, how would John Jay or Benjamin Franklin feel about the civilian purchase of a machine gun falling under the protection of the words they used to craft the 2nd?

Fellow Christians, do you find my reference to the Golden Rule in this context cliche or trite? Okay, what about James 4:12? Isaiah 33:22? What about that pesky commandment about not killing other people? Does your eye-for-an-eye because “Vengeance is mine” argument still hold fast? What about “blessed are the peacemakers”? Because, now, we are arming the actual peacemakers –  priests, educators, doctors. What would the singular member of the clergy who signed the Declaration of Independence, John Witherspoon, think of that?

And here are two more sobering statistics: 1,034 people have died in 2015 from accidental shootings and (only) 668 people have died from actual defensive use of a gun.

What do we do? Support candidates that do not support the NRA (which is the very tyranny the Founding Fathers feared, by the way). Get behind anything Gaby Giffords is doing (here and here). Why? Because she was shot, but she is not arguing for an elimination of weapons. She is sensibly arguing for “safe and responsible gun ownership.” This public servant and former Congresswoman has a LOT of good ideas.

Stop buying or promoting gun-based video games and stop finding it normal to watch a movie that has guns in every scene. That’s not normal to anyone in any other country in the world.

Speak and write. Write on FB. Write on Twitter. Speak at dinner parties. Stop being passive and let’s get Old Glory representing exactly what Old Glory should represent – bravery, courage, freedom.

Big, bad foreigners – who’s afraid of them (and why the hell are we)?

Posted on by lauraanneayres

It’s human nature to be skeptical about things that are foreign to us.

Western ears traditionally approach the pentatonic scale as something “foreign,” but it’s not foreign to Eastern ears. A short skirt on a woman is highly offensive to someone in one country, but it’s a staple of one’s closet to another. A spicy curry makes my Indian friends reminisce about their family tables, but my Texas hot sauce made one of my Indian friends grab milk out of my fridge. It’s all relative and, sure, it’s all based on things being “foreign” to us, which is human nature.

What begins as human nature becomes something else entirely when we take it a step further.

The action of legislating, calling names, creating hate groups, or even inciting violence…why do we do it? Why do we take it that far? I think it’s because we are constrained by our own myopic sense of what our world is and we are intimidated by that which we do not know or understand. Our world is not white or black. It is not Jewish, Christian or Muslim. It is not East or West. It is not even native or foreigner. Not anymore. It’s global.

Pick any country…I mean, let’s look at the U.S. or Switzerland because both are currently struggling to manage the “foreigners” issue. What’s the real fear? These are spacious countries with majestic lands. Is the fear running out of resources or is the fear running out of “real Americans” or “real Swiss”? Are we really afraid foreigners will take over the United States or Switzerland with their…uh…what exactly? With their…diverse culture, rich history? Yuck. Who wants that? (Me.)

“Foreigners are taking our jobs,” it’s a common complaint. But, is it true? Many foreigners do jobs, in both countries, that “natives” do not want to or are not qualified to do. God willing, that will always be the case. What a shame if the world’s next Rachmaninoff didn’t want to go to the United States because he didn’t feel he was capable of securing a Visa. What a tragedy if the world’s next Einstein decided to stay away from Switzerland because he was concerned about the Quotas.

“Foreigners are bringing religions into this country that are against our country’s true religion.” Really? In general, I am not a huge fan of Leviticus (I actually find it borderline absurd for the most part), but I’ll go ahead and take a stab at interpreting this one…”You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.” Sorry Jews and Christians, that’s us because it’s in the Torah and the Old Testament. So, if you’re on your high horse about getting the foreigners out, I’m afraid you’ll have to dismount.

Think of it this way, as I’ve learned all too well – we are all foreign to someone. Imagine that some foreigners are not out to get you or your job or your house or your anything. Imagine that some foreigners are in your immediate vicinity to work hard, contribute to society, and be at peace. And, if they really love you, share a good recipe for yellow Thai curry (still hoping).

Seriously, though….maybe, you could help them integrate.

Instead of kicking them in the back.

Allerheiligen & Allerseelen – All Saints and All Souls day

Posted on by lauraanneayres

“In honor of the saints – known and unknown.”

Rarely does a person reach his or her 21st birthday without experiencing the death of a (be)loved one. So, we all have common ground there.

How we express our loss is such a private choice. It seems to me, having seen people that did not express their loss and watching that downward spiral, the only important part of “how” is “that we do it.”

There are many solutions in the diverse forms: memorial service, Requiem, Shiva, Día de los Muertos, Janazah prayer, mourning flags, black clothing, white clothing, covered mirrors. Buddhists believe both how deeply and how long we mourn can be based on the “tie with the person.” I love that.

There is a difference between the sister holidays of All Saints and All Souls day. Traditionally, All Saints day was meant to honor those who died and were assured of eternal salvation. All Souls day was meant to honor those who were unbaptized and thus…well…destination unknown. This is the 2-part version of what some celebrate as a 3-day observance called “All Hallowtide.”

Being the devout Catholic I am, I can say clearly: I don’t like it. It’s a very man-made distinction and I don’t like those. I prefer to view things the way I’d hope our ever-loving God would. Do I imagine God making such a distinction?

No.

Allerheiligen is a big deal in Switzerland. Truly. The cemeteries and church are packed. The heads are not all grey, white, bald, or salt/pepper – there are younger people in both spaces. The presence of all ages reinforces what we’ve all learned consciously or subconsciously by age 21…

this life is temporary

 One way I’ve learned to express loss is beautiful. My church in Luzern makes Easter candles. Somewhere along the line, someone told me he burned his Easter candle the week before Allerheiligen and put it on the grave of his mother (it wasn’t L).Easter Candle on Allerheiligen

(This is what I do every year. It is how I have chosen to express loss.)

Candles cover the graves on Allerheiligen. As the sun begins to set, the people put candles on the graves of people they love and remember. I, too, have been honored to decorate the grave of a beloved member of my extended Luzern family (http://wp.me/p2dSt7-hA). I am at her grave often and I notice other people in mourning. I’ve noticed this expression of loss comes without as many tears being dropped on the graves we keep in memorium. Allerheiligen comes without quite as much pain.

It doesn’t always have to be painful, does it? Remember our loved ones can serve to renew the bond we had with them, instead of tearing open healed wounds.

Next year, on the 1st of November, remember your loved ones. If you are not near them, find a simple tree, light a few candles, say prayers/sing a song/read a poem. That’s what All Saints and All Souls day really mean.

We did not forget you, we remember your time here among us, and we honor you.

All Saints day