Out of the hospital – Regarding Henry

Posted on by lauraanneayres

Gonna keep this brief.

Christopher Henry is a champ. For the past week (which was not fun), I have been saying, “I don’t care about my monitor, I just want to make sure he’s okay in there.” Everyone says the same thing –  “It’s not him, he’s great.”

He’s about 4.8lbs, major organs are all looking great, vital signs are great, kicking like my belly is his own soccer field. He really is “great.” My unexpected miracle of a baby.

Henry is God’s child. I am only entrusted / miraculously given this chance to be his earthly mother. God is in charge. I can only do my best, and my doctors are helping me make my best a bit better. My couch will be my best friend (again) for the next who-knows-how-long and I don’t care. I’ll do anything.

Little CH and I are in such an ideal “medical situation” right now. We both have medicine (literally at my fingertips), grocery deliveries, plenty of clean water for drinking and baths, iTunes, cool breezes & beautiful views through my windows, a family all over the globe sending love and prayers. 99% of women around the globe cannot say most, some, or any of those things.

I thank God for it all. All of it. Even the terror I felt last Wednesday when I heard a nurse say the Swiss equivalent of “uh oh, this is not good.”

Keep your prayers coming. Though he is a very active little guy already, he still needs to stay where he is. It’s just a bit early.

I don’t want to #StandWith anymore

Posted on by lauraanneayres
Common threads amongst the aggressors include feelings of anger, ostracism, discrimination, pain. We should have no question, we now know for sure – these feelings can lead some to despair and even acts of violence. One week later and this world has another #StandWith. What are we doing to each other?
Obama said he feels his words are inadequate. Well, I am one person and not POTUS. I do not know how we fix these issues and my words are definitely inadequate (by the way, his weren’t…best speech I’ve heard in a long time). I’m gonna give it a whirl anyway.
Could we start with basic awareness (including rational thought/reaction) and compassion toward our fellow brothers and sisters as a large part of our collective action?
I have gone back to Alex (Parkland surgeon and DPD officer)’s words so many times in the past week: “we are all pink on the inside.” Yes and we all bleed when we are injured. Both the victims AND the people who hurt them. Actual blood that will lead to the end of a life in too many cases. Is it worth it?
There will always be bloodshed. Today, we bleed with Nice. Last Friday with Dallas. What city gets the next hashtag? With which city will we #StandWith when the sun breaks next Friday morning?
Perhaps it’s a small step in the minds of many, and that’s fine with me. Why don’t we all commit to basic awareness (/rational thought) about how our daily actions (and words) affect those around us? Why don’t we balance that rational thought with a rather heavy dose of compassion for humanity? A politician preaching segregation or exclusion of a group of people will not lead to “more safety” for you. Neither will huge arsenals of weapons. We know this from our collective history.
There is little else to try, so maybe try this. Why don’t you start today – be the change you wish to see in your neighbors, enemies, politicians? You show them what you want from this world. Invite. Include. Incorporate. Make certain that you do not fall victim to prejudice, fear, or propaganda. Use your knowledge of history, your belief in the goodness of the majority of humanity.
Maybe we wouldn’t need #StandWith anymore.

Singing to Henry

Posted on by lauraanneayres

For the past 9 months of my IL and Econ degree, I haven’t really sung. In fact, when I attempted to sing in church, and my classically-trained colleagues will understand what I mean, I had to kind of squeak out tones. My once big-ol’ voice was rusty.

Recent events in my life and in the world have made me want to sing to Henry. I wanted him to know how much I love him and the only way to put that in his little ears was my voice. He doesn’t care if I eat spinach or workout or sleep enough. But, maybe singing to him is something he’ll get now and in the future?

Oddly enough, just singing this little verse to him has brought my voice back. I sing lots now. It’s amazing how good teachers put in a foundation that might be covered with moss, but is unbreakable (the Grant, Doops, Pat).

Finding the right song for him was not difficult. There was only one that would do.

This is my song to Henry: Not While I’m Around, from Sweeney Todd. I tend toward the Babs’ version.

Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around.
Nothing’s gonna harm you, no sir, not while I’m around.
 
Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays,
I’ll send ’em howling,
I don’t care, I got ways.
No one’s gonna hurt you,
No one’s gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I’ll be there.
 
Demons’ll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time…
Nothing can harm you
Not while I’m around…
Penned by one of my fave guys…Stephen xo

Ladies – do YOU build up or belittle other women?

Posted on by lauraanneayres

In the past few weeks, I have been a part of a project that is mostly (4/5) female. I have been shocked and disappointed by the women, toward each other and toward me. Only one word applies and it’s a word I detest: bitchy.

Ladies, it is possible to acknowledge the strengths of other ladies, hell, to maybe even learn from them. It doesn’t weaken you OR your strengths. It doesn’t make you look stupid. You know what does make you appear stupid?

When you are a non-native English speaker and you do not accept help from someone with academic degrees and certifications in English. When you have little to no experience in oral presentations and you don’t accept help from someone who has done interviews, performances, and presentations for the past 12 years of her life. That doesn’t make anyone think you are stupid – you demonstrates that stupidity all by yourself.

It also demonstrates you are insecure and that you have a fragile ego. This is something which we have in common, again, as women. Most women have fragile egos, a reality which they either “cop to” or “cover up.” It’s the “cover-up” Queens that are the scary ones. That word I hate? It exclusively applies to the “cover up” Queens.

The “cop to” Chicks, in all walks of life, I respect. They all have one life strategy in common – they are confident with the skill sets they have (and those they lack), and do not feel the need to denigrate, demean, or disparage other women who have lesser OR stronger skills. Why would they? They are confident.

The female lecturers in the MILE (Mira Burri, Arancha Gonzalez, Gabrielle Marceau, Victoria Donaldson, Lee Ann Jackson, and others) have amazed and inspired me.

Though fully within their rights to have tattooed on their foreheads, “I am an international law and economics Bad Ass,” they don’t. They impart knowledge and they ask questions. In fact, they ask, “what do you think about what I just said?” and I think they are genuinely interested in the answer.

I spent 8 hours next to Donaldson during a dispute exercise and she gave me priceless wisdom, support, and encouragement. Burri is exactly the same. Gonzalez, Jackson…they all are. They are strong, vibrant women at the tops of their respective fields. They are “cop to” Chicks, who are committed to supporting and strengthening other women, not being afraid of or intimidated by women who are or want to be strong.

Imagine if all women were “cop to” Chicks. Imagine the effect on Fortune 500 companies, legislative bodies worldwide, homes, religious centers, shops and streets. Everyone’s talking about Bernie and Trump revolutions, what are we doing? There is a fully-qualified, articulate, wonderful woman running for President?? What about that revolution?

Just imagine what we could do.

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This image comes from this gal’s blog and it’s fabulous: http://www.mylegendarystyle.com

An Open Letter to my LGBTQ friends

Posted on by lauraanneayres

I will protect you.

I am only one person, but I will protect you – and here is how I will do it.

I will use my vote to make certain I never elect a public official that will not advocate for and protect you by every means available through our legal system.

I will use my voice to speak out if someone makes a joke in my presence about any member of the LGBTQ community or someone struggling with sexuality issues.

I will use my feet to walk up to anyone who rolls an eyeball, smirks, or engages in similarly disrespectful behavior as you and your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend are walking hand-in-hand or kissing.

I will use my faith to proclaim the same Gospel proclaimed by my church – that God loves all of His children.

I will use my love to teach younger people the stories of Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard, and countless throngs of LGBTQ individuals. I will teach them that labels like “gender” and “sexuality” mean nothing compared to “compassionate” and “accepting of others.”

That is not much, but it is all I can do.

To honor of those of you who feel vulnerable to the world during these dark days…I will protect you. You can always count on me.2050411201-quote-harvey-milk

Birthday Wish to all of you

Posted on by lauraanneayres

“A ship in a harbor is safe, but it’s not what ships are built for.”

Today is my birthday. In the past 10 years of my life, I cannot believe the “outside of the harbor” choices I’ve made. Ironically enough, given the quote’s nautical nature, I do not consider “moving across an ocean” to be one of the most trans-formative choices.

I learned a new language (something one can do anywhere). I changed my career path (you can also do this where you are, and consider that applicable to all below). Together, my parents and I mended conflicts well before it was too late (today, they are two of my closest, most treasured relationships). I maintained a healthy physical lifestyle and weight, which wasn’t easy when I couldn’t walk. I published a book. I became “Aunt LaLa” to the Ayres Little Men and added a new family (my “Henry” carries their family name). I gave my hair to make wigs for children with cancer…four times. I faced, and continue to face, my fears (crippling stage fright and fear of heights). I watched marvelous sunrises in gratitude and walked through challenging sunsets in humility. On this day in 2011, I converted to Catholicism, which was the single-most authentic decision I have ever made.

Perhaps, some of the most trans-formative trips out of the harbor are those we simultaneously fear and welcome? Though we are afraid, we know we truly have to go – into the vast, seemingly-unending expanse. Someone calls and says, “I have the perfect job for you, but it’s in Lichtenstein” or someone writes you an email and begs, “Can you please take in this rescue dog?” or even “Marry me, my love?” Life changes in one … Augenblick.

One of mine happened on January 22, 2016 when I saw and heard a strong heartbeat from a machine in Bern, Switzerland. It took me about a second to process that was his (Christopher Henry) heartbeat. Sometimes, I guess, that second is all it takes to pick up the anchor and set sail. Fear be damned. Best decision I ever made, pulling up that anchor.

I know it’s tough and scary. Many times in the past 10 years, my ship has ventured out into the sea only to return battered and bruised. Heartbroken. Sea voyages can be treacherous and arduous. There are literal ups and downs that either propel you forward or crush you. It’s difficult to leave the comforts of a tranquil and serene harbor. Ah…but, that’s not what ships are built for.

I like to imagine wisdom from my four grandparents, as I push away from the harbor each time. They have four simple rules for each journey.

“Be bold, Lulabelle.”

                                                                 “Be authentic, Sweet Girl.”

                                    “Be brave, Granddotta!”

                             “Be peaceful, Princess Wawie.”

 You can do it, too.

Be bold. Be authentic. Be brave! Be peaceful.

Why do the nations so furiously rage?

Posted on by lauraanneayres

Studying global relations (law and economics on an international scale) has been full of many lessons I wish every person could learn. Not yet done – but here are just five things I’ve already learned, in Tell-It-Like-It-Is style (i.e. I’m not using fancy phrases, okay, I promise).

  1. There is absolutely no reason for wealthy, developed nations not to get along. There are many excuses (most of which center around the need to “protect” or “isolate” the individual country from the global marketplace), but there are no reasons. In times of plenty, we should not be greedy – we should be gracious. In times of strife, we should not be aggressive – we should be thoughtful. In short? We should work together and base decisions on reason – not emotion. Insert book suggestion: Al Gore’s Attack on Reason.
  2. You are born where you are born, and there’s nothing you can do about that. So, when I have a discussion with one of my colleagues at the Institute as an “American,” I am aware that I am not a superpower. I was merely lucky enough, and I was very lucky, to have been born within the borders of a superpower. We don’t discuss things as countries, we discuss things as humans. We bring our expertise to the table, but the overall discussion is global. What’s good for the world will be good for humanity.
  3. Religion has absolutely no place in when discussing geopolitics. I mean exactly that. The singular reason to discuss religion at all, in serious global discourse, is for the purposes of determining geographical areas of prosecution and intolerance in regard to human rights. There is no place in geopolitics for one’s personal religious beliefs or preferences (coming from a devout Catholic).
  4. Negotiating truly is an art form and this is why. Negotiating needs, at least, two willing and able participants. To be willing to negotiate means one is willing to be vulnerable, humble, and open. To be able to negotiate means one has been given a proxy or authority to do so. Imagine how many times a day world leaders do this without our knowledge? So, if there is hope this can be done countless times every hour, there is hope this can be done (WTO Members, I’m looking directly at you) once a day. Negotiating keeps war, poverty, strife, collapse at bay. It is the entire ballgame, but rests securely on both criteria being fulfilled.
  5. The worst times in Switzerland to hold discussions about international policies are the following: just after lunch, when there is a major news story unfolding, if the sun is shining in the city, if there is snow in the mountains, or if there is no more wine on the table. This leaves a great window: when it is raining, the carafes are full of a good Humagne Rouge from the Valais, and there are men AND WOMEN at the table. This is ideal.

Gotta love Handel and the Bible…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNcZgu9yFjU They make my point for me.

Gossip

Posted on by lauraanneayres

It’s 4:05 here in Dallas. This is a city of big hair, big heels, and big diamonds. It’s also a city of big talkers.

Gossip is a sport here and one’s prowess is currency in social settings. In fact, it is not uncommon for the response to “I am from Dallas” to be “that’s where people stab you in the back.” (Side note: Native Dallasites don’t care if you stab us in the back because our scar tissue was fully formed by age 10. We can’t feel a thing.)

I don’t like that reputation, but I’ll tell you…even in 2016? Just like the Cowboys, the Dallas theme song, and that stupid stereotype that everyone rides around on a horse, this city’s fixation on gossip is not going anywhere.

Because Dallas loves it sports and gossip is truly a pastime here. How much do I know? How much can I insinuate? Who will come with me on this gossip train? Hey, is it possible for us to take this grain of truth and turn it into a loaf of bread? Could I actually destroy another person’s life with it?

Gossip is not new to my family. Oddly enough, we seem destined to be the foder of gossip for reasons that continue to baffle me because I find us all to be fairly decent individuals.

I know I knew I wanted a different life. One led by the wisdom from the sages…do my words pass easily through the three gates? Are the kind? Are they true? Are the necessary?

I got away from this city’s “big” to find mountains that don’t gossip and lakes that don’t plunge knives in my back…or heart. I cannot imagine a better decision as I sit awake at 4:33 pondering “why?”

As a child, gossip made me angry. As an adult, I find it pathetic. Gossip is the mark of people too bored, unhappy, or insecure to make their own lives shine.

Me? I’m not interested in football or Dallas’ other favorite sport.

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MOH’s multi-purpose voice

Posted on by lauraanneayres

I remember the first time I heard Michael O’Hern sing. Yes, sing. I heard him as a soloist at the Church of the Transfiguration (before I experienced him as my Junior High choir teacher at church and later my friend).

I also remember where I was when he wrote about being diagnosed with brain cancer. I was singing concerts in Austria, I found a weak WiFi signal and called him.

And now is today. I will always remember waking up in this apartment, so far away from anyone who knew these many beautiful things about him, and seeing that my phone exploded overnight.

Michael O’Hern died today.

The man used his voice to educate, to inspire, and to sing to the God he worshipped.

MOH kept having me sing solos in church choir. I couldn’t read music, so I always felt nervous when he pointed out a solo in an anthem and told me to try. In particular, I felt nervous because I idolized MOH. I told him I didn’t want to sing them in front of anyone until they were perfect. “Nobody’s perfect. You think I’m perfect, but I’m not I can barely play your part for you on the piano, Laura!” This well-respected, brilliant, renowned educator humbled himself to teach a 13-year old girl.  Educator

One of my two besties growing up at The Fig was a girl named Anne. Anne never thought she was much. She had such amazing attributes, but couldn’t see them. MOH did. He never stopped encouraging her to sing, to express her feelings – good and bad – in that church choir room and in the sanctuary. He was heartbroken when she died, but he’s one of the people that knew…he tried and made her life better. He made many lives better. Source of inspiration.

I also remember the first time I heard the Biebl Ave Maria. The Schola was singing and MOH was the tippy top part. I was probably 16? It is one of my favorite pieces and I’ve listened to it at least 100 times. Every time, without even trying, I hear his voice. I do not hear the voice of the actual singer, I hear MOH. I told him that. I told him, many people, how much I love his voice. How I hear it, even when it isn’t there. Voice of an angel.

I’m lucky I have this weird connection to his voice when I hear the Biebl. But, there’s comfort for every heart suffering this loss today. We need only close our eyes and hear that thick Texas accent speaking (or singing) words of strength, encouragement, and inspiration. Each of us has countless, vast examples of MOH’s wit and wisdom from which we can draw.

Love you, MOH.

Update:

How very kind of Jonathan Dewbre to share with me the Ave Maria performance, which I’ve mentioned above. Now,  we can all “hear MOH.”