45’s America Feels Like an Umbrella Stroller

New parents purchase something around 6 months or so called an “Umbrella Stroller.” This is the transition from the bulky, heavy Big Daddy Stroller, a.k.a. the “carseat-in-the-stroller” stroller, to an “easier” stroller – the Umbrella Stroller.

Here’s the difference between the two, and I think it’s apropos to what is being felt/thought by a great many people in this nation right now.

In the Big Daddy Stroller, we both feel safe – Parent and Baby. Baby knows that Parent is in charge. Baby knows that if something bad happens, Parent is on it. Parent handles the burden of the weight and gravity/gravitas of the stroller – making all the necessary adjustments to ease the stroller through tight spots, being able to pick up the weight of the stroller with or without Baby in it, assuring Baby that life in the stroller is okay, visually negotiating with other Parents to make sure we are sharing the space, keeping an eye on impending dangers for Baby, etc. This is no joke. This is how Baby and Parent work in this Stroller.

In the Umbrella Stroller, only an idiot Parent feels safe and no Baby would feel safe. Baby sees everything…except Parent. Parent can’t see Baby. There is a detachment that is uncomfortable, anxiety-inducing. Baby wonders if Parent is present? Is Parent still on top of all of Baby’s needs? Baby is seeing things that scare the never-ending-stream-of-poo out of Baby and where is Parent? Pushing the Umbrella Stroller…or on Twitter? Parent is trying to use the cheaply manufactured, piece-of-poo wheels to get Baby out of a massive pothole in the road as Baby is quietly wondering “why did MY Parent lead me this way in this cheap stroller” while pooing him/herself.

See, the Umbrella Stroller is a few things. A) It’s lighter. B) It’s cheaper. C) It comes in bright blue fabric with sea creatures. D) It is simple. Exciting and “better.” Great.

The Big Daddy Stroller is also a few things. A) It’s heavy as all get out. B) It’s costs an arm and a leg (and a mortgage). C) It doesn’t care how it looks (much like the Parent pushing it), and D) It went through 3 decades of R&D…TO MAKE SURE IT DIDN’T KILL THE BABY. IT IS A TANK DESIGNED TO TAKE OUT A GRANNY ON A LARK.

The nation of my birth is now an Umbrella Stroller. I, for one, am terrified as the Baby. I do not feel I have a Parent pushing my Big Daddy Stroller, as I always have. I don’t have a Parent that values my security and welfare over ease of weight and/or financial milieu. I have never known life with an Umbrella Stroller administration. Neither have you. As much as we can say about past White House (Pres., VP, Staff) administrations, we’ve never known this. I am worried about A) my piece-of-poo Umbrella Stroller and B) the Parent pushing it. Aren’t you?

We are seeing things as the “Baby” that should scare us. Our faces should have collective fear, but…guess what? Our “Parent” is too busy Tweeting, using the Office of the President of the United States to conduct unfair business deals, and making a mockery of this country to notice our faces.

So, what are you doing? As the baby (lowercase intentional), you don’t have a lot of options. We are all locked into the Umbrella Stroller now because we have a 2-party system and the Electoral College. But, you can use your voice.

  1. Cry your head off – call every representative. Did you vote for Trump? Tell them you made a mistake.
  2. Shake the stroller – donate money to Democrats. Why? Because you’ll get back in the Big Daddy stroller! Dems are trying to save your healthcare, your AIR, your paycheck. Usually vote red? SHAKE IT UP.
  3. Break out – go find a new Parent. Do you like John McCain? Okay. Write to him. Donate to him. Chris Murphy fan? Castro brothers? Write to them. Donate to them. Get the ball rolling in a positive direction. Elizabeth Warren speaking to you? GET OUT YOUR CHECKBOOK AND DONATE TO EMILY’S LIST. Go in a different direction.

For God’s sake, do something. You might be the “Baby” in this scenario and we are all in an Umbrella Stroller…but, a crying baby is one of the loudest noises in the world.


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