Yesterday, I was too busy trying to support other phenomenal women to support the most phenomenal woman I know: my mom. In my busy-ness and rush, she stepped in and took my son for a celebratory Spring Break dinner. Again, stepping in to make my life easier.
People dream of the life my mom has had. She was raised in a loving home, with both parents and two siblings. I’m sure it was a typical home with some laughter, some tears, some lovely chats, some screaming. My grandfather was ideally-suited to be in a home with four women because he was always attracted to knowledge and brilliance. In 2024, the typically “male” figure we refer to as a champion for women in the workplace? That was my grandfather. They grew up with a champion and a brilliant mother. My grandmothers were both creative, smart, and good. Just the place you want to grow up, if you are a girl because most girls around this globe do not have that start.
Mom went to good schools, she met a good guy, she had good kids, and a good home. Her adult life looked good to everyone. She helped EVERYWHERE for free: church, school, Bluebirds, Cub Scouts, providing snacks for practices & games, Dad’s social functions, charitable organizations. She was constantly helping. That’s what I saw, as a kid. But, looking back on it? She was rarely getting “thank you”s from anyone or feeling as phenomenal as she was, yet she persisted.
Then, she had teenagers and a husband that was in a very demanding career. She was one of those women that had to juggle different schools (at one point, three kids in three schools one of which was about 25 minutes from our house), a pretty substantial house (though Mom would hire a “housekeeper,” she has always befriended the housekeeper, and been unable to get actual house keeping because the housekeeper was never that great at, well, keeping the house). I have no idea how many mornings Mom cried, after we were in school. As a mom? I’d imagine quite a few. She would put breakfast out for us and I don’t remember a single morning that I wasn’t a raving nightmare. I cannot imagine how she endured it all. This must have been a time in her life when she was feeling very lost in all the “I’m not myself” roles and very far from an awareness of how phenomenal all she was doing was, yet she persisted.
When we were all in college and grad schools, Mom started to finally do some things for herself. She joined a non-profit (because she cannot NOT help others) and quickly rose to the head of that group. She was finally, at last, starting to receive some “thank you”s in her communities. It was wonderful to see. She was getting elevated by these, mostly female, people to positions of leadership and agency to make meaningful changes and recommendations. She was doing really well and I know her peers were championing her phenomenal. She still couldn’t see it, yet she persisted.
Her whole person changed that day I saw her with my eldest nephew. It was as if the dreams she’d had as a child were finally realized and it told me so much about this beautiful mother of mine, who has no idea how beautiful she is. It was a turning point for me because I saw, again, her acknowledge the phenomenal in a child that literally ate, pooped, slept on repeat and did nothing else. But she couldn’t see it in herself? She couldn’t see what I saw every time she got him to stop crying or sang him a lullaby or read him a book. (I remember Momma reading to him when he was like 3 months old and I didn’t get it. When she taught my son to read, years later, she told me that children need to start hearing big words, even if they can’t understand them yet, to be able to understand them later. See? She’s phenomal.)
The women of my generation are very different. We talk openly about needing reminders of our fabulocity because, well, kids. As a child, you don’t realize the damage you do to your mother. Children have to have someone that is “on my side” and that usually falls to the mom, which means I gave her holy hell on a regular basis. So, I’d like to be public and very clear about something that has benefitted our family, her friends, our communities, and many corners of this world for a couple of decades (love you, Momma).
Momma, you are phenomenal and you always have been. I look back at all these stages in your life when you were looking for something and I wish someone, I wish it could have been me, had whispered, “you are truly phenomenal.” I think you needed to have others say it more often and I KNOW you deserved to others say it more often.
So much of what I do these days wears me out and guess why? Because I am phenomenal, like my mom. I am modeled to help others, to care for my family, to create womens’ groups to support women literally everywhere I go, to do well in any job I am given. Because YOU showed me how to be phenomenal by being phenomenal yourself.
You really should start every day looking in the mirror and reminding yourself because you have chosen a life of service and those you serve certainly do not remind you often! When no one else is listening, I mean…God help us all if someone hears Linda compliment herself…just hear my voice reminding you, “you can do it” and whisper those words to yourself, “I am a truly phenomenal woman.”
Because you are the most phenomenal woman I know.
I cannot wait to get dressed and go to her house, where my son has had a sleepover with his grandmuddew, and read these words to her. She deserves it. Every woman does.
The World of Before You 