i lost a love today


Here is something I never thought I would say: today, a majority of Supreme Court Justices ruled based on religious zealotry. I knew it was coming, but knowing they did it without shame? It was a bit shocking to me. I have idolized so many SCOTUS Justices and Chiefs. To be frank: I think I loved the Supreme Court most of all. I loved what it was capable of providing for the United States and the world. Truly. At one point, I wanted to be a Con Law expert, then eventually a teacher.

Not anymore.

Today was awful because I felt personally betrayed on behalf of hundreds of years of belief in SCOTUS. After decades of plotting, these 6 Justices finally did what a group wanted them to do: impose theocracy on the United States. But, we are not a theocracy and religious beliefs have no place in the Supreme Court.

Adulting is hard and I had to work. I had things to do today. You needed me to be your mom. You won an award at your Tennis Academy this morning, which was a massive deal for you. I had responsibilities for big projects at work. I needed to be on-site for Parisa. I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, which was watch the news and feel shock & awe. See people reflecting how I felt for hours and hours. I wanted to do that and had to settle for an occasional search for an org provided aid and a small donation (not wealthy).

You went to sleep tonight and I stopped hitting “donate” and started organizing. “Can you join the march at 00:00 in your city?” and “What about driving 30 minutes to a march in XYZ and I’ll shoot you directions” and “Let me know how many people and I’ll get them there.” Mid-afternoon, I’d watched a colleague lead a meeting, knowing her daughter was probably sleeping in the other room. All I could think was, “my real work starts when Bärli goes to sleep.”

Her daughter is months old. My hope is that we fix this abuse of the public trust (this abuse was actually committed by Republican members of the Senate), before my colleague’s daughter might need healthcare.

Because that is what reproductive options are for a woman: basic healthcare.

The reasons a woman needs what is legally deemed an “abortion” are so vast they range from “life saving” to personal decision. I mean, the idea that a woman will now be potentially required to prove her miscarriage was not self-induced? Where am I?

Anyway, you want heroes? I saw them on TV tonight, between calls. They are fighting back tears (Rachel Maddow, Mommy’s favorite, showed up on a Friday night…you know shit is going down) and giving us the information we need to mobilize.

If nothing else, hear this message from this post: do NOT sit on the sidelines. Mommy is not having more babies; but, you know who will be adversely impacted by laws and decisions like this one? Underprivileged, unemployed, unseen, underage, women and girls, mainly of color. Injustice in a nutshell. When you see injustice, do not sit still. Help, where you can and in a peaceful way. As the sign says in your room, “You have two hands: one to help yourself and one to help others.” Get off the sidelines and do something.

Another colleague today said something that struck my core. She was talking to a group and said, “Laura and I can tell you, pregnancy is not easy.” God, she is speaking absolute truth. Many pregnancies genuinely require abortions, in early weeks, to allow the mother to live. Others get into urgent situations that are truly life-threatening, even if the fetus is aborted. Women in abusive relationships, women unable to provide for the children they have, women struggling to make ends meet, women who do not want to be mothers, women who are raped, women who are abused, women whose family members see them as appropriate sexual partners…I mean, the list goes on and on.

And…our healthcare workers. Please, imagine a doctor being unable to save a patient, when the doctor knows the fetus is not viable and the patient will die. Life in prison?

It’s 2022.

I don’t know where I live today, but I know my feet can march, my fingers can hit “donate,” and my delicate female brain is working. So, keep calm and bugger on I shall.

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