Hope is drunk dialing me again

Dude. Hope is such a fickle little lady, isn’t she?

Many people walk down tunnels far darker and longer than the one I’ve been walking down for the past decade (okay, 6 years…feels like a decade). There’s very little to say to someone who has been through some of this stuff and I cannot count how many times I’ve heard, “there’s a silver lining to every cloud” and “when God shuts a door, he always opens a window.” If it’s possible to projectile vomit a silver lining onto a closed door, I would have.

The real problem is how one talks to someone in a tunnel. To get out of the tunnel, one needs light and hope. That usually has to come from within, so you can’t really “talk someone into” feel hopeful about getting out of a tunnel. They have to decide they’re going to give it that proverbial last (or 99th) shot.

In my case, which is not actually unique, Hope doesn’t seem to know if she wants me in or out of this damn tunnel. I have a TON of light (refer to myself as the Ambassador of Sunshine and people mockingly call me “PollyLauraAnnea”), so I’m stocked up on that. But, Hope’s hope is killing me. Every time I think she’s leading me out of this freaking tunnel, I get whacked in the head. I think I’ve found the exit sign and then Hope decides, “Nope. Not yet. Keep walkin’ sister.”

What’s the lesson? When do I graduate? When is it finally enough? We all have these questions during our lives. The reality of hope is tough because the coin is so beautiful on one side and so painful on the other. Lost hope hurts in your bones. Hope fulfilled is ecstasy.

Ah, Hope – what a lady. I intensely dislike her because she makes me tired and weary, and exposes me to fairly constant rejection. But, I still love her and cling to her. Hope’s golden ring is something that seems to make me stronger in my character, my humanity, and my faith. A worthy reason to…keep Hope alive.

It’s like this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwlYo8EYTWI

😉

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