It’s 11PM in my little village in Switzerland. I had a D-A-Y.
I have been begging God for snow for months. MONTHS. During this time, I wrote a poem about snow, it was set to music (holla Jackson Henry), I sang said new song “Snow” at a concert 3 weeks ago. Here’s the annoying part…
This part of Switzerland has been snow-less. Literally, I haven’t seen snow for months here. I chased snow a few weeks ago and found nothing. Every time I say, “I just want one good snow,” someone inevitably says, “You’ll have to go to the snow because it’s done for this year.” What is truly annoying about this line? Many of these people either own chalets or take rather physically-demanding ski tours in the same way I take baths. It is easy for them to say “go to the snow.”
I can’t go to the snow. The snow requires me to climb or snowshoe or do something. My back hurts 80% of the time I am awake. I’m lucky to make it, by train and bus, to my church. I can go out once a day for a few hours.
Don’t cry for me Argentina. Anyway, today, with the hurt back (it was KILLING me this morning), I went to church this morning. Before I left, it was really cold and raining. I told God, “Whatever. It’s cold, but that is rain.” This is a conversation I have with Him almost everyday (sunny days, “Whatever, I get it. No more snow.” foggy days, “To cover up the possibility of some snow? Very funny.” etc.).
Anyway, while I was at church, I said something to God I have never said before because it’s a really difficult time right now, for many reasons:
Please stop. Everything hurts. Please remember that I am your child. I am faithful. Please stop hurting me. Be with me.
I’m not kidding. I couldn’t kneel because it makes my back hurt. I bent one knee and sort of semi-leaned over. I said I was thankful for strong legs, a strong spirit, and a strong heart. I prayed for a few people (including Nicole’s Tito, Iryna’s country, Liv’s next project, Marisa’s new job, N’s heart, Cindy’s new journey without John, and some others). Then, I said what I said about myself.
Regardless of the back “situation,” I went to Bibiana and gave her a fresh rose and a candle. I got on a bus and I traveled home. Within about 30 minutes, there was a serious hail storm. My FB status changed to, “HAIL IS NOT SNOW!”
I started up work on my ongoing project (translating the brochure for the Hospice from German/French to English). About five minutes after I sat down, I looked at the window.
“Slowly formed, something more…not a storm, just some flakes.”
It wasn’t an angry hailstorm anymore, and it wasn’t rain.
It was snow. After months of no snow. I turned off external things and I’ve been sitting for hours without sound. “As it shimmers and glistens, we stop and listen…what if snow never came? What if love never paused? To make a moment when the snow covered us all.”
I’m still mad at You. Really mad. But, it’s 11PM and You’re still here and it’s still snowing.
Soli deo gloria.