This year is reflective. Not that you know, it’s all about foxes and a sleepover with tents and twinkly lights. But, inside? I’m reflecting on many things.
I still have Hollye’s service bulletin on my dresser. I can’t put it away. He’s trying to tell me something I can’t hear yet.
Another school shooting this week. Issues with work. Trying to figure out what is right for your educational trajectory and how to afford that. I miss my best friends, your God Squad. Ridiculous email yesterday that may or may not make my hopeful child sad on his birthday. This country’s election feels decisive in a way that inspires and terrifies me. I’m worried about pipes that are old, a roof that could have damage, and other household issues. I mean, what a list.
So, I go back to why I cannot put Hollye’s bulletin away. I think he might just be bringing me light? He brought me light. He made me smile, made me laugh, made me learn. The way he said my name, I still hear it, made me smile and I hear it every morning when I see his name. Maybe it’s that? Joy. Light. When I see his name, I also think of Suz. She also brings me light and joy. I’m not sure if Mr. Fisk thought he was a lightbringer, but he was to me. Just hearing his voice greet me brings me light that cuts through some darkness.
Last night? Instead of feeding darkness about other stuff related to your birthday that you will miss, I put together your birthday tent and sent the picture to Lindy and Cah – light. They were thrilled! I gave them light, they gave me light. Light abounded and darkness was overwhelmed with (literal twinkle) light. I’ve always been able to do that and I am lucky to know lots of people like that (Hollye and Suz are just two).
Guess what? Thankfully, I see the same in you.
About three weeks ago, down the street, next to our neighbors’ (an African American woman and her adult son) home, their neighbors placed a giant “T—p” flag and giant US flags. It is a spectacle and designed to intimidate. That’s the goal and it’s clear. You saw the response this week and were so pleased to tell me, “Momma, they put up their own sign! Go look!” They’d created a handwritted sign, “We Won’t Go Back.” You were so happy. Hate cannot drive out darkness, only love (and I’d argue light) can do that, Barli.
Keep remembering to bring the light AND let others help you bring out the light that is in you, when you feel the darkness surrounding you.
Nur zu.
The World of Before You 